July 10, 2012

Decisions, Decisions.

If you have been reading my blog this week, you will know that I have disclosed some pretty raw emotions up in here. 

After writing about our story of Jason, I was questioning my honesty. Was I too bold? I don't intend to scare anyone off, but I intend to be real, honest & open. 

Am I right to be angry? Yes. Am I right to be sad? Yes. Am I right to have all of the emotions intermingling through me during this whole situation? Yes. Why? Because I am living it. This situation is super abnormal in so many ways.

Here's my beef. I typically confide in the girls at the office for insight. Problem #1. One person doesn't have children, but has been married to a guy who had children. Of course, she has to be the most outspoken person and thinks she knows all there is to know about everything. I know this going into these conversations, but I take it. I do get a little bit defensive, because she has an "attack" tone to her, but I try to reason with her the best that I can. (drives me crazy!) 

Anywho, we are in a very rough position with Jason at this point. He has been "gone" for nearly 8 weeks, with no decision made as to whether he is coming back or staying with his family. 

I sent his mom a message via Facebook last night about our dentist appt next Thursday. Side note: We were kind enough to put braces in Jason's mouth 2 years ago, so he has to see the dentist once a month for new "whatever it is they do". End Side note. The rest of us happen to have our 6 month cleanings at the same time as his appt. next week, so I told his mom if that specific appt. didn't work for her and Jason to feel free and call the dentist and change it to whatever works for them. 

A few hours go by and she calls me. She said Thursday works for her and she will just plan on bringing Jason to our house on Sunday, so he can spend a few days with us before our appt. Thursday. "He really misses you guys. He really misses Tyler. We will be going to Blah Blah Blah Casino while he's with you and we will just get him sometime after his appt." I told her that Tyler was in Kansas right now and probably won't be home until after the dentist appt., so Jason probably won't want to come hang out without Tyler being here. She agreed and said she would just bring him Wednesday or Thursday, or whatever she said. I don't really know....I think I was still in shock. Who does this?!?!? Really.

I immediately called Scott as I wanted to hear his response. He pretty much had the same response as me...."Wow". We continued to discuss this "unknown" rut we have been in with Jason and all of these scenarios. We love him, he has been apart of our world for 5 years, but he comes with a lot of baggage. (I hate using baggage, because it sounds like such a bad thing). Well in this case, it kind of is. It's not his fault. I don't blame him, but I don't know what we are supposed to do. 

His brother is currently in jail. His daddy has spent most of the last 5 years in jail, and his mama should be in jail. They are trouble. Walking, drinking, trouble. We want Jason to love his parents, no matter what and have told that to him over and over again for the past 5 years. Love your parents. No matter what happens, love your parents. 

They are toxic. All of them. It is completely disturbing, but that is just my opinion.

Back to my point....I mentioned this phone call I had with Jason's mom to the girls at work. Of course, they are all opinionated and told me what we are doing wrong and how we shouldn't let this be Jason's decision about whether he comes back or stays with his family. I get that. However, I don't want a child living with us against his will. He's 14. If he doesn't want to be here, I don't want him to be here, because he doesn't deserve to be miserable.  (Nor do we)

I did get some good out of opening myself up to the lady vultures at work. They agreed that we need to tell Jason's mom that if he wants to come back, we will take him back, but we will have legal, more permanent rights to him. No more mister nice guy. This is life and it's expensive and we don't have money trees in our backyard. We have spent more time, attention, and money on this child that doesn't belong to us, then we have our own kid. NOT. EVEN. EXAGGERATING.

We want the best for Jason and if he (they) thinks staying with his family is the best thing, then so be it. It's toxic and he will learn right from wrong the hard way, but he is aware of this. He knows how flighty his parents have been for the past 14 years of his life. He knows nothing will change.

We also know that when/if Jason comes back to our house, we are subjecting ourselves and our kids to all of this baggage I mentioned above. I'm not willing to sacrifice my kids anymore, for a child that doesn't belong to me. Call me mean, but it's the truth. I want "all or none". 

Here's our stance....if Jason is coming back, we want him by August 1st and legal papers in the works for custody. Period. 

Scott tried to contact Jason's mom tonight via phone to discuss our position, but they were in the middle of a water line crisis, but she promised to call back. We'll see. 

We have suspected by words dropped here and there, that they may just tell us that they want him to stay with them and the whole legal/custody convo doesn't need to happen. That makes things easy and nice. I'm hoping for easy and nice. I don't want to fight. I want to have this as peaceful as possible as there is a child involved....one we have grown to love as our own. 

I totally see what custody battles are like now. IT SUCKS.



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